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Tony Horton haunts me.
04 September 2012 @ 11:28 pm
O_O
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
Hello World!
Before I embark on another one of many misadventures this year, i'd like to wrap up a few things relating to previous posts. I know all my readers are chomping at the bit to know what happened, you voyeuristic bastards. I keep my audience waiting too long. I apologize.

Amazingly, I am alive.

You'd think after being burned by christian bale's twin who happened to be a poet, secret millionaire, misanthrope with the same world views as me, i'd be upset but . no murder-fake suicide, not (too) many tears. just a "welp, that's how it goes". I'm actually stunned at my reaction, and dare I say, proud of myself.

I was warned not to go into it, by friends, by my conscious, but most importantly by the man himself. when that happens you can't help but put up a shield. Somewhat permeable to still get in the compliments and "i love yous" but a shield nonetheless. that little voice in my head kept telling me "enjoy it while it lasts because it's almost over..."

He left the country (they don't have access to livejournal in China, right?) so i have no chance of seeing him again which is a blessing. One thing I've learned from ALL relationships is that it's better to be the one that loves the other a little bit less. It's the only way to go. The bitch of it is, usually it's too late once you realize which one you are.

did you know i can see the future? i can't change it though; I even stopped trying. I know how it ends but i still have to follow all the steps. no detours allowed.

So my friends, in a few months i'll update you on my current (mis)adventure.

till then, be well.
 
 
Current Mood: pensivepensive
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
20 September 2010 @ 10:07 pm
It seems my reaction time to distressing situations are delayed by 3 to 4 weeks. and I thought i could suppress my feelings forever but sadly, i have yet to master the skill of emotional avoidance.

So now I feel like a horrible person.

Odd to be on the other side of things, i've only encountered this vicariously through movies and tv shows.

That being said, i've gotten several comments including "i've never seen you this happy before" and "i've never seen you giddy. ever."

I took a huge risk and i'm going to ride it out. i am scared. because let me tell you, this has the potential of being the biggest disaster ever. as it was so eloquently put - a murder-fake suicide is going down if this ends.

but honestly, have you ever met someone and was willing to change everything just so your future could match theirs? i thought i was too hardcore for that lovey dovey bullshit.

kids? SURE, I'D LOVE SOME. GIVE ME A LITTER.
stay in hawaii forever? WHY CERTAINLY, I DON'T HATE IT HERE AT ALL.
be poor? OF COURSE, LOVE CONQUERS ALL, AMIRITE??


seriously, wtf is wrong with me? SERIOUSLY. i gotta snap out of this and quick. hopefully i will come out of this relatively unscathed but i doubt it. and i don't really want to come out of it, to be quite honest with you.
 
 
Current Mood: worriedworried
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
02 September 2010 @ 05:59 am
shit just got real
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
14 April 2010 @ 09:39 pm
I had a bad day. I haven't had one in awhile and forgot what it felt like. I much prefer the coasting through the day that I usually get to do.
 
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
01 April 2010 @ 10:46 pm
I've celebrated (not the right word) the four year anniversary of moving to Hawaii. I gave myself 5 years before deciding if I should move on. In my mind, the only acceptable cites are San Diego, San Francisco or NYC - all super expensive - just like Hawaii. I wish I could be happy in a podunk town but alas, i need a good public transportation system and decent shopping/museums/restaurants/weather. Sorry, practically every city in Florida.

A few months ago I went to visit my mother in NJ and she asked me to move in with her. It broke my heart and made me realize I should never have children- what ungrateful bastards. I'm a horrible daughter- I hardly call, I visit periodically every few years, I've got parents that live by themselves and I'm thousands of miles away and wouldn't even think to move in with either one of them.

Society is drawing out childhood too long for my tastes (dependents up to age 26? you should be ashamed. out the house at 18 kthanxbye) but I can't help feel guilty for not living in the same state as my parents. It may be different if I was living a dream or pursuing a lucrative career but I'm not doing that. I just have to remind myself how miserable my life was during those formative years and continuing living solo.

I do however want to help out financially as much as possible. Since my previous post I've bought my first stocks. I'm wheelin and dealin, my friends! I'll watch them everyday and give them words of encouragement to grow big and strong. It reminds me of having a pet goldfish or something. I'm always looking for new hobbies. Stocking will be mine (Stocking sounds better than trading, in my opinion).
 
 
Current Mood: tiredtired
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
05 March 2010 @ 09:56 pm
Paid off 2 of 3 credit cards and on my way to financial freedom!

I've also set up an etrade account, no clue what i'm doing but those talking babies are hilarious, am I right? I want in on that wealth that only the top 5% of americans have; so rude not to share.
sanrio stock? apple stock? can i buy stock in drug companies? people like drugs.

I think I'll go buy one of those Investing/Stocks/MoneyMarket for dummies books this weekend. barnes and noble stock? i hope it's not too confusing.

Thankfully, I'm friends with a rich white male so I'm going to just do what he tells me. they seem to know the score.
Wish me luck.
 
 
Current Mood: listlesslistless
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
28 January 2010 @ 10:00 pm
i think my life sucks even though i don't have any real problems. here's a giraffe for all those that feel the same way.
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
14 January 2010 @ 09:48 pm
After this entry there will be 8 years on the calender tab to choose from. EIGHT. My god, where has the time gone. It wasn't that long ago I was in college, was it?

The other day I was thinking about how old I was going to be this year and literally thought "that can't be right" It feels wrong.

youth is wasted on the young.
 
 
Tony Horton haunts me.
25 July 2009 @ 08:18 pm
is it time to start throwing chairs again? it brings such momentary happiness.